In this article, you will learn about the methods of how to overcome jealousy.
“Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies.” — Elizabeth Bowen.
Envy and jealousy are somewhat alike but constitute different emotions.
Envy means the feeling of bitterness for others because of their achievements, luxury lifestyle, or success. When you are envious, you glamorize. You long for what those rich people have or wear, and also, you want their fame and status. A person might envy them for their luxurious cars, houses, etc.
But, jealousy is different. Envy comes to a person when, in your relationship, a third person comes, and you think if that other person will endanger your relationship. You fear losing your loved one to another person.
Every person’s life is not the same. Many people live a life full of troubles and pain. On the other hand, many other people live very happily and peacefully. Life is not always fair. But, it is also true that both happiness and sadness come to our lives, one after the other.
If, at one point of time in our lives, there is sadness, misery, or pain, then happiness, peacefulness, and contentment also come to our lives at a later stage. So, don’t worry. If you have failed at something, then keep on trying and work hard with perseverance and determination. Never give up.
With these qualities, you will be able to achieve success. Success can be in any form. For sportsmen, success is getting distinction and award at the state level or national level, or also at the international level for people with higher aims.
For students, success is getting good grades in the subjects of their study, and topping in their class by achieving the first or second, or third position among all other students. For the people who have completed studying in higher qualifications, success is getting a job in a good designation in their dream company, with a good salary and other perks.
So, until and unless you achieve your dreams, do not stop. Carry on your small and consistent efforts every day. Hard work is done in small amounts each day until achieving success is worth it. There will be people who have already achieved success in their lives, and are already living a luxurious lifestyle through their hard work, while some people are very lucky, those who have inherited a fortune from their parents or grandparents, or their ancestors.
Those people are said to have been born with a silver spoon. If you are not born with a silver spoon, then there is no point in being jealous of others. The only way for you to achieve success and fulfill your goals is through hard work, determination, and perseverance. Unless a person is very very lucky, then he won’t be able to get a very good job without hard work.
If you always think that you deserve more, then it makes you concentrate on the output, instead of focussing on your efforts. Jealousy derives itself from the anticipation of failure, while envy originates from real failure.
Attachment motivates envy and jealousy. You cling to things or relationships you don’t have — you want to be in control to feel more important.
Bertrand Russell said: “Beggars do not envy millionaires, though of course, they will envy other beggars who are more successful.”
So, how can you avoid this dangerous poison?
Remedies for envy and jealousy
If ignorance is the starting point of all poisons, then wisdom is the ubiquitous solution. Being wise is acknowledging the things or people or situations around which your life evolves.
Wisdom is taking note of other viewpoints instead of distinguishing, carefully analyze facts albeit they oppose our beliefs, being objective instead of being prejudiced, and always be able to vary our beliefs when contradictory facts are suggested to us.
Wisdom is to directly observe and understand on your own — to possess an open mind instead of being closed-minded.
Certainty can ruin your wisdom. Don’t think that everything is certain in life. Life is always subject to change. Adopt a sceptical mindset, and that will assist you to observe life sharply. You will see and adjust to everything as it is. This thought will never come to your mind that, ‘Why this thing happened to me?’ ‘I deserve a better life’. ‘Why am I suffering in my life?’
Instead, you will start having optimistic thoughts such as, ‘There’s no problem if I am in sadness or suffering now. My life will change for the better later on in my life. I will stay happily and peacefully after this painful phase goes from my life.
The trail of just believing what you’re told is straightforward. The trail in the road of wisdom needs confidence, determination, adjustability, and patience.
The remedy for greed is generosity. And, the solution for hate is loving others and being kind towards others.
To let go of your assets and relationships also needs wisdom. You realized you don’t have to own objects or people to be yourself. They will give you happiness, but your joy doesn’t depend upon them.
Non-attachment doesn’t mean to stop caring — it means identifying there was never anything to hold close to in the first place. You stop checking what other people possess. Free yourself from owning or being owned.
Methods of how to overcome jealousy
Increase your self-awareness
Self-awareness means accepting the type of person you are, your attitude towards life, your behavior toward others, your perspective towards life, your viewpoints on external situations, etc. Self-awareness does not mean who you ought to be or who you want to become in your life. It also does not mean who you do not want to become or who you should not be. Reflect on your behaviors, attitudes, feelings, emotions by not judging yourself. Practice self-compassion, i.e. be gentle and kind towards yourself. Love yourself. Then only, you will not require any external possessions or relationships with others to make you happy. Remember that happiness comes internally. It does not at all depend on any external factors such as relationships and/or possessions.
If a person is being jealous or is comparing his or her life to other people’s lives, their possessions, and/or their relationships, then he or she might feel insecure, unhappy, fearful, betrayed, etc. It’s okay. If you get these feelings, then increase your self-awareness. Know yourself better. Then you can recognize which situations trigger your jealousy. Then only you will be able to rectify yourself after having self-awareness. That is, you will be able to prevent jealous feelings from coming to your mind.
Ask other people, .i.e. your friends or relatives, for feedback on your actions, behaviors, emotions, etc. Other people give you better feedback on your behavior, than you can provide. Those valuable and proper feedbacks will help you to identify the areas of your weaknesses, such as jealousy, and you will adopt the methods mentioned in this article to overcome them.
To overcome jealousy by increasing self-awareness, you need to look for external factors and internal factors. Apart from understanding yourself, you also need to understand the opinions of other people about you.
“Don’t envy what people have, emulate what they did to have it.” — Tim Fargo
Free yourself from poisonous comparisons
Be your model to improve your standard for excelling in your caliber. Cherish yourself for who you are, .i.e. your personality, and not for your possessions, achievements, or relationships, whatever it may be. Celebrate your small victories. Then only will you value yourself more? And, you will think that today I have achieved this much and it is just a small win. Tomorrow I will try and work harder to achieve more significant success. And as you will keep higher aims for attaining bigger goals, you will work accordingly, and eventually, you will accomplish your ambitions. You can check this article also.
This will keep you motivated or concentrate on your work or study, as you will work or study with perseverance. By doing this, i.e., celebrating your small wins and focussing on more significant goals, your attention will shift away from jealousy. You will not look at what more considerable success other people are achieving or have achieved. You will keep your focus on achieving your own more tremendous success so that you will possess luxuries of life or anything else that you want.
Prevent an outbreak
Usual jealousy occurs early in a relationship. You can decrease it by decreasing the self-esteem of that particular partner. Also, being honest towards your partner is very important to prevent the early symptoms before a jealousy outbreak occurs. It is not easy to create and maintain trust. It is entirely different from blind faith. Trust is not perfect, and it is brittle. Jealousy is related to controlling oneself. Trust is associated with the confidence and freedom of the other partner. So, it is essential to keep your relationship from preventing an outbreak of jealousy.
Practice gratitude for what you have already
Feel grateful for whatever you have got, whether it may be your low-paying job, or not-so-good relationship, family members, good education, it can be anything. When you think like this that, ‘I have a good family, while many other people do not have it’. ‘I have a job, while many other people don’t have it. “I have an okay relationship, while many other people are struggling a lot with their relationships with their life partners’, “I am well educated, while many other people have studied up to 10th or 12th level’. ‘So, I need to be grateful for whatever I have. If you start thinking like this, then only your mind will stop getting you feelings of jealousy.
Probably, everyone does not get everything in his or her life. So, let us not expect something exceptionally impossible in our lives and stay happy and contented with whatever we have. Although in many situations, if you have the desired perseverance and determination, then you will be able to achieve the impossible. Such as, by studying with great hard work and determination, you can top in your exams, or you can obtain an excellent job in a multi-national company with an attractive salary and good perks.
When you are in a relationship with another person, then it is okay to feel somewhat jealous at some point or the other in your life if you have stronger feelings and emotions with your partner. Occasional jealousy may give a little enthusiasm to your relationship. But, being jealous more than enough is not suitable for the connections. It is called over-possessiveness.
You can adopt some methods on how to overcome jealousy and insecurity in a relationship.
To love is to be vulnerable. George R.R. Martin told it well, “The more people you’re keen on, the weaker you’re.” What you would like to try to do is to open your heart to your lover or life partner, accept and have faith whatever comes your way, and stay calm. Yes, it’s tough, but you would like to be willing to simply accept what’s beyond your control and have faith in yourself to affect the unknown. Keep in your mind; you’re within the relationship because you opt to love the other person. It’s a choice you create to like your partner and at an equivalent time accept the risks with no qualms or jealousy.
Also, you can softly express your feelings of jealousy, so that the other partner won’t be angry or won’t misunderstand you, and more arguments can be avoided.
Heal your past wounds, if any, so that you can make the relationship a beautiful one.
And, most importantly trust your partner and trust yourself.
You can write any suggestions or queries in the comment box below.